Thursday, February 24, 2011

Why I Haven't Written Lately

I’ve said a lot of things when people have asked. I'm not ready right now... I'm just taking some time... But honestly, the real reason is just that I’m afraid.

  1. I’m afraid that my writing a blog is selfish, and that you will see more of me than Christ, and that the 'me' you will see is ugly. I'm afraid I'll waste your time. (That’s kind of the big one.)
  2. I’m afraid that my life is not eventful enough, and that I don’t have enough vision, plan, or motivation to be at all consistent. Or interesting. Or helpful. (This is also pretty huge.)
  3. I’m afraid that I want to do this for all the wrong reasons.
  4. I’m afraid that I might not really want to do this at all.
  5. I’m afraid of being vulnerable, and afraid that the line between vulnerability and selfish exhibition is too blurry.
I think that’s all. Oh, and one more: I’m afraid that all of the things I’ve listed as problems are true about this post as well.

But God is doing big things in my life, filling it with his gifts. And I want to share them, to be vulnerable, and to feel myself more a part of the sweet community of God’s family. So I’m going to be brave, admit I don’t have all the answers, and post this (and hopefully more) anyway.

Have you every asked yourself these questions? How do you deal with these kinds of fears?